Nothing Good

So I'm given this gift... this unbelievable, incredible, blessing. This little being, this person who measures 29" by what... 7"... x 21 pounds. And no matter the day and the trying times therein, I swear I always remember that I have been given something precious and sacred and unspeakable... and I honestly--every day--consciously think on purpose, about how lucky I am. And I truly marvel at the love I get to feel for her, and then second only to that is the love I feel for her father. I love them both unspeakable amounts.... so, so much.

And I constantly worry that even though I am wildly grateful in a literal sense--each day-- for what I've been given.... I still worry that I'm not being grateful enough to forestall something terrible happening to one of them.

And now I tell you that when things happen at work; you know, like someone goes, "I just absolutely must have this by 9am tomorrow." And when they say that, I have literally always said to myself, "Like... if you don't get it by then... really... will it really matter?!" I swear... my comparison to put things in perspective has always been, "Okay, is it a Big Deal? Is it really important?" And I always say to myself (and sometimes others) "It isn't like someone you love has cancer. So get over it."

And then one of your good friends / coworkers finds out her husband has cancer. Lungs and brain. And then there is nothing good left to say.